Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Medicine, Doctors, Drive Drive Drive

I have heard of shots in trigger points, but I didn't know it is a shot of novacaine. I also didn't realize that I can't see just one or two doctors. I have to drive all over the place for the various treatments. What happened to going to one place? Washington (state) is so far kind of hard to figure out. Without money, it's been impossible. Well, maybe just annoying, but not impossible. I ran out of gas on the way to one appointment, after another appointment with a different type of doctor I got a parking ticket, food is too expensive so I pack granola bars and almonds and hope I make it home without feeling dizzy.

Why is a shot of novacaine here and there (but not everywhere it hurts) "okay" but taking vicodin that will take care of all the aches and pains isn't okay? And why is taking medicine other than opiates fine? If I take Lyrica, tramadol (which I had to stop because of an interaction with zoloft), and cymbalta (awaiting approval), which have different effects and side effects and if I ever need to stop taking one of these, I will go through serious withdrawal symptoms, but to stop taking an opiate feels kind of icky for 4 days. Vicodin was so much nicer on my body than the stuff I have to take now. Vicodin has only one side effect I don't like which is sleepiness and that goes away after a while. It even helped my IBS. My colon rarely bothers me when I take vicodin regularly.

I still think there is something to adderall for fibromyalgia. I don't know if Concerta or Vyvanse do the same thing. With adderall I ate less sugary things and more healthy things (there is a theory that yeast within the body, fed by sugar, may cause some of the fibromyalgia symptoms), my brain functioned perfectly and I was able to keep myself in a calm state when others around me might not be so calm (staying calm is Really hard in part or whole because of the pain I have to function with), and finally I moved more. I had the energy to move about doing chores or taking a walk. I was building myself back up to something that can work within society. I felt almost normal and I was working off of the zoloft (which I need to deal with the stress I feel by not being able to function properly to be a part of society). I also felt less pain and ibuprofen actually worked! Ibuprofen has been useless before and after I took adderall.

I am doing better each week with Lyrica. I'm just scared that when/if I don't have insurance any more that I will have to stop taking it, hopefully I can step down and not do it abruptly which will send me right back down to laying in bed all day unable to function. I am also worried about finding work, getting insurance through a job and having to find all new doctors. Medical professional don't treat me very well. I am building repertoire with several doctors (nurse practitioners and anyone who treats me is henceforth going to be part of the term "doctor") who either begin learning about me as if this is the first time they have heard of FM and the symptoms I deal with on purpose (which doesn't feel good to be treated this way, but it also doesn't feel good to be treated as if I am the one who knows nothing and they know it all and my thoughts don't need to even be heard) so maybe it's the norm in this state to start out cold toward patients, but it's maddening and I don't want to go through it any more. If I can't work with good doctors then I want to keep working with the system I have in place now. I'm not sure it's working out well since I have to remember so much for each doctor I see (doctor still means medical personnel in general) as well as pharmacists, if I had one doctor then I would be comfortable with the route to and from their office, I would have fewer things around me to adjust to each time I drive there and back making details about the appointment(s) easier to remember, I would use less gas therefore stressing less about breaking down, I wouldn't use so many resources within my body to function and I would need to worry less about food because I wouldn't need as much. Instead, I have to go to a pain center, I might be done seeing the behavioral specialist who helps to navigate the system within the medical groups, I have a gynecologist (understandable), a therapist, a psychiatrist, and the primary care office. I have only been to each place once or twice except for the primary office so I have more meetings and adjustments to make but this is a lot of driving. Traffic here sUcks. It can take 2.5 hours to get home when the trip should take an hour or less.

I can't wait until I am all better and I am able to work again. Because the process has taken so long...I am back where I was physically in 2006, I worked hard to get past the weird hypoglycemic feelings and I continued exercising for a couple more years until the endometriosis took over. That set me back, but a few years later the adderall helped me get back to being me. I'm tired of this back and forth and the way I have been treated throughout. I would love to be treated as an equal. When I think of respect, I think of treating someone as if I am dealing with myself and I have learned to be very kind to me. I don't have to know what's going on and I don't have to have everything fixed and finished. I need help dealing with people that treat life as if there is something wrong and everything needs to be fixed. If I die tomorrow, why would I want my last day to be filled with stress?

So I have more appointments this month and some already set for next month therefore more medicine to come. Good thing I didn't expect to be fixed by the end of this year :~)

If something stresses you out, give it to the wind.