The day of my divorce was like any other day to me. We didn't work out and we wouldn't have been able to make it work out. Getting divorced didn't bother me. I prefer to be with happy people anyway, not trying to help someone be happy which wears me down. That day, a friend tried to get a hold of me, apparently, unrelentingly. She thought I would be depressed. When she finally got in touch with me, she talked as if I was down. I wasn't. I was in a good mood just like any other day. She asked how I was doing and said, "You don't seem sad." I said, "No, why would I be sad?" Her: "because you just got divorced dude!" Then I was depressed because I didn't know what was wrong with me. Why am I not depressed when I should be? Because that's not how it has to be. We don't have to be depressed because someone else thinks we would be or should be. She didn't know my thought process over the prior three months. I had moved on right away. I guess some people assume divorces are scary and bad things and that terrible things might have happened. I don't really know. I later found out that she figured she would be depressed so I must be depressed.
I now apply this lesson to many things. I don't have to feel what you feel. Even if we seem to feel the same, we don't. We have different thoughts surrounding each subject. Or no thoughts at all. Many things (life's events big or small) don't apply at all times. Is there something I can do about it? If yes, then move forward doing what can be done. If no, then move on. If a topic is revisited, maybe explore it to see why it keeps coming up. If it keeps coming to mind for someone else and not you, then it's something they need to work on and not you. Don't get angry with someone else because they keep revisiting a topic. There is something they need to work out so let them process thoughts out loud. You don't have to offer a solution or take on their feelings. You might hold yourself back if you accept others' thoughts, concerns and issues as your own. If someone gets angry with you for revisiting something, don't take in the anger. Maybe talk with someone else about it to gain a different spin on the ideas in your head.
It seems to me that when parents (most notably it seems to me), friends, coworkers, and other relatives give advice by telling you what you need to do, they think you don't see clearly. That might go as far as to say they feel you are too stupid to handle the situation on your own or that you don't see that you aren't doing it right. If you aren't out to hurt another and you have good intentions then you are doing just fine. Other people don't often fully understand your situations. They take your situation as their own and want to make it right for you. You have the right not to do what they think you need to do. There is nothing wrong with you. Wanting to help is fine, but they often put conditions on the help they [think] they give you. They might take it, you not using their advice, as a personal attack. There is no reason for them to be so focused on your life. We are held back by that kind of "help." We each need to do what we feel right. Appeasing someone doesn't always work so if you feel their advice isn't right for you, don't use it. It's there if you need it and maybe you can tweak it, but if it doesn't feel right don't do it.
A lot could be said about here about fear. You might fear the results if you use someone's advice. That is different than knowing or feeling that it isn't a proper solution for you. More on fear another time, though.
It dawned on me just now that it is possible for people that know me to think I am speaking about them (either in a bad way or good way). I'm not. This is just how my brain works. I know of two people that have issues with their parents, but I know nothing more than that. I don't know what the issues are. That thought, parental issues, led to people stepping in to help. Since my brain was gathering thoughts, I let it explore.
That's how my brain works in a nut shell (or vacuum?). Something comes up, I explore or not, then put it away. If I don't write things down then I might visit and revisit the topic because I have fibromyalgia and "fibrofog" affects memory so I sometimes have trouble remembering. If I get my thoughts out, I can go back to them when my brain is working properly and if the thoughts come when it is working properly then I [hopefully] won't try to visit them when it's foggy.
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