Not My Average Post

I'm settling in, but the cat is annoyed that there is another cat.

I'm a little depressed today because the process takes too long. I want to see a doctor so badly! I want to get it started to start weeding out the doctors that don't get it. 16 yrs of being in pain and 16 yrs of not a single doctor understanding my plight. It makes me more mad to know that I am not the only one going through the things I physically go through so how many other people are being forced to think they aren't handling their medical treatment properly? How many other people out there know what they need but can't find someone to be on their side? How many women are in pain so much so that they cry around anyone since the tears can't be stopped because you're so tired physically and emotionally that the pain you are in at the gynecologist's office has you curled up on your haunches in the waiting room while the doctor is telling you you shouldn't be in the pain you are in so no you can't have any pain medicine so you crawl to your car and ball? I suspect it's a pretty large number of people that are put through what I've been put through (especially in the midwest - the coasts have more empathetic people while the middle of the country has people afraid to step out of their bubbles).

I saw a picture from Recycle Bank's facebook page with the caption "Newspaper and magazine rolled up into art spotted by @megqh95"



This reminded me that I don't get to do anything I want to do. I won't be out and about looking at art, at least not on my own which means I have to wait for someone else to be in the mood to do something I want to do.

I can't wait to see a doctor up here. Would it be helpful if I call the social worker? Is it like a job interview where you should call and show interest? Or will I be let down by being told there are lots of people ahead of me. I've done everything she wanted done. They just need to process papers and send me a card.

How much longer do I have to do this? Another 16 yrs? I don't think I can take it.

Here's what I don't want to have happen: I don't want to finally be taken seriously about the amount and extent of pain I am in (I am always in pain somewhere in my body) only when cancer is found. Then, all of a sudden, I am helpable again. I'm tired of waiting to fall ill with something more serious than anyone should have to go through, from something my mom died from. Is there a doctor out there who can help me? (a side note: My aunt and uncle are helping me get through the system and I am very thankful to have someone understand that I need the help I require, like being driven to/from appointments...thank you so very much!)