Life Fluidly

When I want to learn about something, I tend to ignore the rest of life and dive into what I want to know about. History is immense so I have been quiet (on the blog) for quite a while. I learned about the westward movement in America. That it was rich people, those who could afford to move, and those families often lost at least one person. As areas along the west coast were settled and established, I think that not having their family that they left behind, both in England and on the east coast of America, left them feeling a little sad or otherwise "off," which has lead to the feeling of today that is to protect yourself, watch everyone else for any mistake. Mistakes "prove" the fearful feeling of needing to remain untrusting of everyone else. A lifestyle I wholeheartedly disagree with. We need to work through those feelings, hopefully with the person/people that "caused" them within us so we don't have to live in fear of "bad" things happening. I don't understand how these feelings can persist throughout time, being passed on to other people who learn quickly not to question idiotic behavior that is socially accepted for they who question are then a threat.

I dived into world history to see what was going on elsewhere to make people want to leave home and find a new start in their life. Of course, as we all know, war is nothing new, nor is persecution for race and religion. Then I decided it would be helpful if I could pinpoint migration to America and what was going on at the time of my ancestors in their home countries. I had attempted researching my family tree a few times before, but maybe there weren't enough people researching back then when the internet first began and throughout the 2000s. This time I have pieced together a good amount of my family ancestry and I have one of my cousins (4th cousins, I believe) about a month ago. We are related through my dad's mom, an Adams.

I was a little frazzled while I tried to stay along the same plane of cousins, jumping family to family and getting quite confused on what relations were where so I decided to stick to one name until I got stuck. I got as far as the Mattesons of Illinois, I might have Joel Aldrich Matteson's parents, but it's been a little while since I attempted to research them. Once I figured out who my great grandmother was, Tallulah Octavia Matteson Powell who married Harry Temple Bellamy of England, I was taken to English records, which are Very different (and so much more helpful) than American records. Then I decided to follow the Bellamy line instead of jumping country to country. I'm quite enamored with England, more now than I ever was. I knew nothing of my family and now I know so much more about English history that it's helping to explain the stupidness of America today. Just like the migration to the west coast in America, where people left families and comfort to start all over again getting used to a new landscape and new terrain to contend with, not getting to heal from anything that may have happened within their families. Meanwhile, those families on the east coast got to work through the issues that arose while in the comfort of the land they called home, since it was over a century after first colonizing the land that people began to move west, but many families still knew of their family and kin back home in the country they originated in, usually England (Ireland, Scotland, and Wales), but not being connected enough to know that England was allowing jewish people back into the country with promises to treat them well, and working on the better treatment of poor people, working up to schools for everyone. It was seen in the 18th century in England that school should be for rich people since they knew best how to handle life and poor people were simply there to do the work that was necessary, leading to workhouses, which I won't go into right now because it's awful and I will end up on a rant about how stupid people are that anyone can see treating people as they have is okay...moving on. My ancestors aided the progression of schools for everyone, seeing that reading and writing were detrimental and not a high class citizen right.

I have been compiling all that I have found on the Bellamy's into one document, but I can't focus on history right now. I have felt a little lost, like I don't belong anywhere, because I am just too different. I think the feeling arose from diving into history and not having anyone to share it with. I was learning about things that many people, at least in my country, don't know about, nor do many seem to care since there's enough going on in this country that needs attention. Then the police shot an unarmed teenager and riots began. There isn't much footage of the riots, but I do know my city, which includes St. Louis County. I spent a lot of time in North County, as well as South County, not so much West County as that's where the rich people are and we enter the feeling of the West coast where it is normal to fear other people, since I don't like that feeling, I stay away from it and don't do much in West County. I spent years growing up in the city from the south side to the north side. I can say that the media has explained the tension as a race thing. It has nothing to do with race. It has everything to do with a broken justice system that we are all tired of hearing about. Wrongdoings all over the place from political officials to rookie police officers and what they seem to be taught to do their job. They have a perceived and expected shady behavior that needs to be changed. That police men and women, including S.W.A.T. as well as the people that allow them to handle situations in the ways they do can be allowed to occur and to continue is what is causing the unrest. The citizens aren't angry with one another and most people aren't worried about race nor religion. We see yet another needless action acted out by an official on a citizen and we are saying it needs to change. We want the justice system to be fixed. To be jailed for almost any reason doesn't make sense. It never did, but I think (or wonder) that people felt fear in speaking up so they let it happen. We see the future as only getting worse if we don't try to help fix it. We are aware that politicians couldn't care less, which only fuels the need to gather peacefully (with the occasional idiot that will throw a bottle at a car and minutes later another idiot throwing a Molotov cocktail at a car wash) until our politicians realize they need to stop making decisions for us, make them with us. It's also about the whole country as well as the rest of the world. There's a much bigger picture that many of us see than just race. We want everyone to be treated well, not just the rich and no longer only those who know the right people. We also see the hypocrisy in there being a large group of officers on any team and of any rank. It's unnecessary. We aren't going to hurt each other, though I do understand the fear that brought the amount of officers to the area, it represents just how citizens are ignored by people of power. Those in power think they know best without realizing they cannot speak for everyone, therefore they need to speak with everyone. To hold public office is not easy. One needs to be prepared to live a life unlike what they were used to prior to obtaining the seat. Sadly, since it is hard (is a hard job), these people feel too overwhelmed and decide against better judgment of talking to their constituents and they do what they want, what they themselves see fit or what they are told to do by those higher than they are. All the way up to the Senate and the House is a description of high school-like behavior, even grade (primary) school-like behavior. A story of tired people is being spun. How long before enough people in power are tired? When will they finally listen to the citizens of America? That's what the protest is about, not race, but proper government of all who inhabit the country.

I still don't feel like I can continue reading about history even though it's a good story that my ancestors paint. A story I am happy to be a part of just by association of relation. I hoped that posting this would help me get back to organizing my data so I can move on from working on my tree (to come back to it another time), but I still feel like I don't care to hear another word of past centuries when the same things are occurring right now, still. Will it ever end? Will humans ever learn not to police other people? We have yet to learn what to look for as being a wrongdoing worthy of a jail sentence. I think that religion has had too much of a say instead of common sense (though not always a bad thing and I can type another post on the topic another time) and it's pretty well known that rich people have had the greatest say with too few looking out for poorer classes.

I will reread and edit this later. I need to find some comedy. Damn the Daily Show for being on break! ...And the Colbert Report and @Midnight. I need some laughter! I wish the BBC would allow more shows to be on youtube. I greatly appreciate how England is able to poke fun at the daily shit that occurs. I don't see how humans can grow from and move on from the stupidshit we put up with without rewording the stories and laughing about it. Without different perspectives we can't learn what needs to change. Narrow views abound, sadly.