Hindsight or Right Now?

I ask myself every day, "If I don't wake up tomorrow, am I happy with myself today."

Today I realized I have an opportunity to look into a reaction we all have. When you look back on an event, you probably wish more often than not that you could have been less stressed or maybe that you worried less about any one thing. It seems like something we do as we get older and older and I want to use it now rather than later.

When I move to another state, what will I look back on and see that I didn't need to worry about? Trying to keep too many plants alive? Trying to organize my packing? I do want to maximize space, but am I putting too much into it? I don't think so, but I don't know yet. I still have way too much to take to Goodwill. I feel like I will have a better picture of things when I have a couple car loads dropped off so I am not worrying much about packing yet. I have what I absolutely need packed and ready, but I really don't want to leave a mess for someone else to clean up. I think that's what I worry about most. I like to leave places cleaner than when I arrived. I know I can't bring all my plants with me, but I don't know of anyone that would want them. My friends don't like keeping plants alive via watering them and strawberries, pumpkins, and bell peppers need lots of water. With the heat we have right now, I have to water them 2 and 3 times a day.

I don't think much about what it will be like in a new place because I don't want to grow ideas of expectations. I work well with others and I adapt very well so I'm not worried about the transition. I even adapt to help those who don't adapt with change.

Will I wish I didn't fear running out of gas once again which keeps me from calling people to meet up one last time? I guess it's not only the gas tank. It's the mounds of stuff I still own and have not donated yet. I need to see more progress in that area to feel comfortable leaving the work of purging for any amount of time.

There's no way to know how I will feel in the future, but I do know that pointless worrying isn't fun so looking into it now instead of looking back on it is something I've enjoyed learning this month.