You create discomfort. For some that will seem harsh, for others that will be all they need to snap out of feeling sorry for themselves or someone else for going through something difficult.
When you feel uncomfortable around someone, you are reading something into the relationship that may or may not be there. You feel it so it is valid, therefore it is there, but you might be the only one feeling those feelings.
Life takes work. Everything is viewed with personal feelings, even statues. Some might see the material a statue is made out of, some will see the work that went into making the statue, others will see its height. Some might see all of those at once or none of the ideas I mentioned. No one will see a book the same, no one will see a song the same, even a baby's cry is different to everyone. Some people wish they could have their own little one to hold, some people will sit back appreciating that they don't have to go through the bouts of figuring out why the baby is crying, some will get angry that the child is crying and this is a whole sub category that could have several ideas added on, but I don't like to list everything I think of or you won't think of your own. I am not here to do the thinking for anyone, I am here to help the thought processes along. For each event throughout your day, you will have one version with your own feelings either good or bad and anyone else involved will have their own version with their feelings and neither person is wrong. The discomfort comes when someone gets upset that they were misunderstood. The version they see isn't what everyone else saw so they feel wrong. A fight comes when that person wants/tries to make others see how they see. Let people see how they will and good friendships are built. Let people see things their way and you can have conversations about the differences. There is no need to argue over who is right, being right is only relative. If one person needs to be right and they won't drop the argument then let them be, don't have them around as much. I'm not a fan of cutting people out of our lives, but I do see that there may be times we need long breaks from each other. During those breaks learn how to not hold onto feelings of the person, how uncomfortable you felt around them is only relative and may have been created by you for not understanding something of their personality. All anyone wants is to be appreciated. Take time to learn how to appreciate in different ways. If you show appreciation in the same way every time people will grow to feel that you don't mean it. Move slower once in a while to teach yourself how to notice things you didn't see before.
We protect ourselves. We don't like uncomfortable situations so we take the flight path instead of the get over it and move on path. I think that we get angry easily when we have many things that we wouldn't "fight" -or work through- so when more things happen that we don't like, we feel like it would be too much work. It is "too much work" but only because you didn't work through past issues so you didn't teach yourself how to work with disagreements or otherwise uncomfortable situations. You only hurt your self and your own knowledge of life when you put off dealing with fears.
There really is no better time than now and it's never too late to try something. Start now. You can't protect yourself from never dealing with issues so start now. If you think you're a procrastinator then you are because you let yourself be that. You don't have to be anything you think you are. If you want to make situations not exist by ignoring them then you're selfish for not looking at all sides and how to live so everyone can be happy and not only you. In the end you won't be happy because those around you weren't happy.
Sometimes I can seem harsh. I am imagining a confrontation if I say these things directly to someone and I can see the fight I would be up against. I won't let the possibility of upsetting someone stop me from trying to help them or to at least get out what is on my mind. I can't move on and find compassion if I live in fear of upsetting someone with my words. It helps me to know that humans work to have a balanced life so any words said will stick around and be looked into or fought until the person gives in to looking into whether they are true or not. Knowing that, I can say what I need to to be able to move on to kinder thoughts and feelings and to work calmly with feelings that arise. That is how I don't have arguments or fights. I don't run, I work. I don't mind a little bit of work for a lot of comfort and happiness. I know that I can't predict what someone will say or how they will feel because I know they won't see it the way I see it. Stay calm, appreciate that whatever the outcome, you both will have another life lesson "under your belt."
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