We begin life by imitating adults and the other people we see each day. As kids, all we want is approval. ~Am I doing it right mom? ~ I can do it just like dad! ~ Look what I can do!~ In the farming days, we may not have had much time to give children attention, compared to the amount of attention children receive today (but we adapt to anything so one way of life is not necessarily better or worse than another). As a family or community, we woke up early to beat the heat of the day, wash laundry, make meals, hunt, fix what needs fixing, and tend to what needs tending-animals, crops, etc.
Humans have progressed quickly since electricity was realized. Before that, flame provided light for thousands of years. We went from candles in single holders and chandeliers to computers and televisions being on all the time. It feels like we don't know what to do with ourselves when we are surrounded by so many ways to fill our time. We may still farm and tend to livestock, but we generally don't turn off computers ("computers" is used loosely throughout this post to include phones, PCs, laptops, tablets, etc), TVs are on for background noise and a radio might be on at the same time. We don't seem to handle silence well. Silence can slow us down mentally or it can make us feel crazy with all the thoughts we can't fully form because the next thought is already trying to appear.
Each home is unique. We might want to drown out trains, roads, highways, noisy animals or noisy neighbors with sound, like tv, talk radio, music, etc. Among the many factors included in helping children grow into promising adults, there are social factors, cultural differences and several proposed theories on how children develop. Here, I provide points for exploration to help us learn what we may be able to incorporate into our own lives. I think we can use this time with political unrest and financial strains to explore and maybe re-evaluate why we feel busy and/or stressed. I don't think there is a good or bad time to evaluate life and what you want to put into it, but it feels to me like people are learning a lot from the financial stresses they have themselves or that they see their friends dealing with. Every family has a unique dynamic and every person is unique, together forming the dynamics of the familial relationship. Because each person is unique the dynamics will forever change. Take from that that change is inevitable therefore life is fluid. It is important to explore what is and isn't right for you. What isn't right for you now might be right later and what works for others doesn't have to work for you. All the same, what works for you doesn't have to work for others...that doesn't mean it is wrong, it just isn't right for them right now.
If you have children, are you devoting time to them? Are you interacting with your kids? They don't care that you have three jobs to try and give them the life you didn't have or to provide for them as your parents did for you. Your kids just want you. If you actually are working more than one job to pay the bills or to help save money then you might want to look into your family time. If you are stressed the family will feel it. You can't hide it. The brain will have us acting the way we think so if our thoughts are of stress then it will show. The brain can only handle so much work without any fun. Stay-home parents might want to change some of the wording. If you spend too much time with your children, are they receiving a well balanced idea of the world around them or just one or two perspectives? I see nothing wrong with families of working parents and stay-at-home parents alike. If it works for you, if it feels right for you, then go with your gut. Some parents feel they are the best and only option for their children. In anyone else's hands (nanny, day care, school...), they fear their children will pick up bad habits. Instead of looking at it like that, see that your children can put into action what you teach them. Sure, they might pick up a bad habit, but they might not. If they do, this is where parenting truly comes into good use. You can talk about what they learned [without judging any aspect of it]. This will help them process the event and if you need to, you can explain why "we don't do this in our home." In both scenarios, with a parent always at home or both parents working, each person in the family may need a break from their norm. If your child has someone spend the night then you get to see how your child interacts with another child and you can see where you might want to tailor your approach in teaching the values you want them to have. And instead of seeing how much work it might be to have another child over, you are giving the parents of the child staying over a break while taking your own break from what you are used to doing every evening, night and morning. If your child spends a night at a friends house you can use the time to take your own break. Do something you enjoy instead of doing chores. Taking breaks can be guilt-free, but feeling guilty for taking a break from your child or partner is it's own topic. Breaks are necessary for everyone. Have you ever noticed someone getting frustrated for seemingly no reason? They aren't sick, they don't have a fever...they need a break. Children as well as adults need to see something new for a little while.
If you are over-worked, you might want to find a way to balance work with play (going to a work site, staying home to entertain or home school youngsters...whatever "work" means for you). "Play" can include the entire family. Have everyone do something that you don't usually do together or have everyone take a break from each other. Parents need breaks from parenting and children need breaks from being parented (...parented by their own parents, of course you wouldn't let a 5 yr old go somewhere alone to not be watched over). When adults take breaks, we can remember what life is like outside of the home. The idea you might hold as what life is supposed to be like may be of fear with all the what-ifs you probably run through in your mind or it might be a fantasy of what you want life to be. When you take breaks, you can add to what you currently know and come back to parenting with renewed vigor and better understandings of what you want to teach your kids when you return from recess.
We are unique from person to person and we learn in different ways, however, we all seem to learn initially by imitating. Some children appear to observe more while other children seem to immediately use what they see (so don't compare your child to another. You can watch other children to expand your knowledge of what children can do, but it isn't healthy to wish your child were developed further, you discredit yourself and your child). Kids pick up on more than adults think they can grasp. They just don't have the words to express what is on their minds. The more conversations they observe and are included in, the more words they will learn as well as context and body language. Kids are amazing. They are easily adaptable and they are often much more capable than we let them show. Children deserve more credit than we give them. Holding expectations holds us back in many unseen ways.
~Live Laugh Love~
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