With respect to letting things be, to not over do and create more stress, I had a moment that I was able to explore feelings and not cry. This post is the result of that session with myself.
I have done a good job letting my thoughts and feelings be, to not worry about exploring my feelings and also to explore them if it feels right. To me, it feels right if I'm not ruminating or coming up with sadness for anything I didn't do. It is also hard not to ruminate since I keep trying to do things, to start projects or work with an idea, and then it feels like the stupidest thing ever so I stop. I let myself explore a little into why I almost immediately don't have interest in anything that felt exciting the moment before. I think it is because I know I have a lot of good things to learn and I want to hurry up and find words for my emotions, thoughts, feelings, the grieving process, etc, to update my blog and help anyone else that needs help with this type of situation.
With respect to not wanting too strongly -in this situation that means I wanted to rush through my grieving process- my blog might go quiet for a little while. It also might not go quiet. Realizing I am trying to rush emotions may be all I need to grieve the loss of my dad, a sweet, kind and funny man who was my favorite person in the world, while working to get back into the swing of things. There's no way to know what will come from change so although my blog is therapeutic for me, it might not be healthy for me to try too hard to find words I want to use in explaining what I want to say or how to convey a topic.
Here's where I am right now: It's okay to be sad in public. What stresses me about that is that this feels like the worst year of my life. I am tired of looking sick, sad and stressed. I'm also tired of feeling it. Maybe because this year has been all kinds of gloom and doom, the next 40 years can be exceptionally glorious.
La vie est magnifique
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