Today, I am a line-blurrer.
There is no wrong, there is no right.
Left-wing and right-wing politics don't exist.
The reason there seems to be a line drawn to separate the ideas of people is anger. Anger from the confusion of not understanding why someone wants things to be this way or that way. Then anger keeps us from working together. We refuse to understand, we want to feel correct in our views so we stick to people that hold our same ideals. This is where I differ. I let everyone say whatever they will and without judgment. After the angrier stuff is out, the natural shift is to want to be happy. Then I engage others and help them feel happy...without letting them know of my opinions right away. I am not out to gain knowledge of things to use against someone, I don't work that way. Instead, my goal is to show people that they can have their view, you can have your view, and I can have mine and we can collaborate with the different ideas behind our views.
Politically, religiously, parentally, etc (generally areas where people tend to feel attacked when mistakes Should be made so we can learn from them), we can find an understanding when we feel confused. If you ever say Why would someone do that! know that they have a reason that you don't need to judge. By judging, you create a line for yourself that you now fight to not cross because you have decided what is wrong for you. It's good to have morals (some define their lines as morals) but to feel that you are so right in your way and this other way is terrible is one way you separate from other people. Rather than fighting the stupid things that happen, know that stupid things happen, you can't stop it (with 7 billion people that's a huge war no one needs to take on), but you Can learn how to understand that stupid things happen, why stupid things happen, and then you can learn how to help people either not make stupid mistakes or to help them get out of their stupid mistake. The stupidity will always be there, It's how we deal with it that makes [cultural, societal...] lines appear.
I am here to accept everyone no matter what mistakes you have made, no matter what mistakes you are making and the ones you will make in the future.
Showing posts with label Acceptance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Acceptance. Show all posts
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
How To Handle Difficult Feelings
You create discomfort. For some that will seem harsh, for others that will be all they need to snap out of feeling sorry for themselves or someone else for going through something difficult.
When you feel uncomfortable around someone, you are reading something into the relationship that may or may not be there. You feel it so it is valid, therefore it is there, but you might be the only one feeling those feelings.
Life takes work. Everything is viewed with personal feelings, even statues. Some might see the material a statue is made out of, some will see the work that went into making the statue, others will see its height. Some might see all of those at once or none of the ideas I mentioned. No one will see a book the same, no one will see a song the same, even a baby's cry is different to everyone. Some people wish they could have their own little one to hold, some people will sit back appreciating that they don't have to go through the bouts of figuring out why the baby is crying, some will get angry that the child is crying and this is a whole sub category that could have several ideas added on, but I don't like to list everything I think of or you won't think of your own. I am not here to do the thinking for anyone, I am here to help the thought processes along. For each event throughout your day, you will have one version with your own feelings either good or bad and anyone else involved will have their own version with their feelings and neither person is wrong. The discomfort comes when someone gets upset that they were misunderstood. The version they see isn't what everyone else saw so they feel wrong. A fight comes when that person wants/tries to make others see how they see. Let people see how they will and good friendships are built. Let people see things their way and you can have conversations about the differences. There is no need to argue over who is right, being right is only relative. If one person needs to be right and they won't drop the argument then let them be, don't have them around as much. I'm not a fan of cutting people out of our lives, but I do see that there may be times we need long breaks from each other. During those breaks learn how to not hold onto feelings of the person, how uncomfortable you felt around them is only relative and may have been created by you for not understanding something of their personality. All anyone wants is to be appreciated. Take time to learn how to appreciate in different ways. If you show appreciation in the same way every time people will grow to feel that you don't mean it. Move slower once in a while to teach yourself how to notice things you didn't see before.
We protect ourselves. We don't like uncomfortable situations so we take the flight path instead of the get over it and move on path. I think that we get angry easily when we have many things that we wouldn't "fight" -or work through- so when more things happen that we don't like, we feel like it would be too much work. It is "too much work" but only because you didn't work through past issues so you didn't teach yourself how to work with disagreements or otherwise uncomfortable situations. You only hurt your self and your own knowledge of life when you put off dealing with fears.
There really is no better time than now and it's never too late to try something. Start now. You can't protect yourself from never dealing with issues so start now. If you think you're a procrastinator then you are because you let yourself be that. You don't have to be anything you think you are. If you want to make situations not exist by ignoring them then you're selfish for not looking at all sides and how to live so everyone can be happy and not only you. In the end you won't be happy because those around you weren't happy.
Sometimes I can seem harsh. I am imagining a confrontation if I say these things directly to someone and I can see the fight I would be up against. I won't let the possibility of upsetting someone stop me from trying to help them or to at least get out what is on my mind. I can't move on and find compassion if I live in fear of upsetting someone with my words. It helps me to know that humans work to have a balanced life so any words said will stick around and be looked into or fought until the person gives in to looking into whether they are true or not. Knowing that, I can say what I need to to be able to move on to kinder thoughts and feelings and to work calmly with feelings that arise. That is how I don't have arguments or fights. I don't run, I work. I don't mind a little bit of work for a lot of comfort and happiness. I know that I can't predict what someone will say or how they will feel because I know they won't see it the way I see it. Stay calm, appreciate that whatever the outcome, you both will have another life lesson "under your belt."
When you feel uncomfortable around someone, you are reading something into the relationship that may or may not be there. You feel it so it is valid, therefore it is there, but you might be the only one feeling those feelings.
Life takes work. Everything is viewed with personal feelings, even statues. Some might see the material a statue is made out of, some will see the work that went into making the statue, others will see its height. Some might see all of those at once or none of the ideas I mentioned. No one will see a book the same, no one will see a song the same, even a baby's cry is different to everyone. Some people wish they could have their own little one to hold, some people will sit back appreciating that they don't have to go through the bouts of figuring out why the baby is crying, some will get angry that the child is crying and this is a whole sub category that could have several ideas added on, but I don't like to list everything I think of or you won't think of your own. I am not here to do the thinking for anyone, I am here to help the thought processes along. For each event throughout your day, you will have one version with your own feelings either good or bad and anyone else involved will have their own version with their feelings and neither person is wrong. The discomfort comes when someone gets upset that they were misunderstood. The version they see isn't what everyone else saw so they feel wrong. A fight comes when that person wants/tries to make others see how they see. Let people see how they will and good friendships are built. Let people see things their way and you can have conversations about the differences. There is no need to argue over who is right, being right is only relative. If one person needs to be right and they won't drop the argument then let them be, don't have them around as much. I'm not a fan of cutting people out of our lives, but I do see that there may be times we need long breaks from each other. During those breaks learn how to not hold onto feelings of the person, how uncomfortable you felt around them is only relative and may have been created by you for not understanding something of their personality. All anyone wants is to be appreciated. Take time to learn how to appreciate in different ways. If you show appreciation in the same way every time people will grow to feel that you don't mean it. Move slower once in a while to teach yourself how to notice things you didn't see before.
We protect ourselves. We don't like uncomfortable situations so we take the flight path instead of the get over it and move on path. I think that we get angry easily when we have many things that we wouldn't "fight" -or work through- so when more things happen that we don't like, we feel like it would be too much work. It is "too much work" but only because you didn't work through past issues so you didn't teach yourself how to work with disagreements or otherwise uncomfortable situations. You only hurt your self and your own knowledge of life when you put off dealing with fears.
There really is no better time than now and it's never too late to try something. Start now. You can't protect yourself from never dealing with issues so start now. If you think you're a procrastinator then you are because you let yourself be that. You don't have to be anything you think you are. If you want to make situations not exist by ignoring them then you're selfish for not looking at all sides and how to live so everyone can be happy and not only you. In the end you won't be happy because those around you weren't happy.
Sometimes I can seem harsh. I am imagining a confrontation if I say these things directly to someone and I can see the fight I would be up against. I won't let the possibility of upsetting someone stop me from trying to help them or to at least get out what is on my mind. I can't move on and find compassion if I live in fear of upsetting someone with my words. It helps me to know that humans work to have a balanced life so any words said will stick around and be looked into or fought until the person gives in to looking into whether they are true or not. Knowing that, I can say what I need to to be able to move on to kinder thoughts and feelings and to work calmly with feelings that arise. That is how I don't have arguments or fights. I don't run, I work. I don't mind a little bit of work for a lot of comfort and happiness. I know that I can't predict what someone will say or how they will feel because I know they won't see it the way I see it. Stay calm, appreciate that whatever the outcome, you both will have another life lesson "under your belt."
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